literature

Snowflower. Chapter V - Chains

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One blast.

“Rangers returned!”

Pyp had no memory of saying it. He had no memory of running, and seeing two shadows crossing the tunnel gate. He just remembered the way the biggest one carried the second. Both of them were clearly exhausted.  Indeed, Grenn barely could walk, carrying a semi unconscious Edd, and his hands looked like they got frostbite. Anyway, some strange rush was evident in Grenn’s movements.

The first days after the Great Ranging began, Pyp used to dream “What will I do when I see my sweet Grenn crossing the threshold?” He would undoubtedly hug him with arms and legs, as sometimes did. He would kiss his lips until both could no more, and would ask him to talk about his adventures in the main Hall. Then, when Jon and the other men of the Guard had informed to the council about the results of this ranging, he would drag Grenn to their cell, where they would enjoy each other during the whole night. 

Everything went different this time. Pyp did not hug his lover; he did not even kiss him when he saw him. Instead, Pyp jumped automatically and assisted his friends. “Let me help you, brothers” he had said. He offered his narrow frame to Grenn, and supported him as a cane, while two other black brothers lifted Edd. They took carefully the newcomers to the training yard. Pyp knew by heart Grenn’s body; not only his weight, but each angle and each form. So, when his almost inert weight fell on Pyp, the little steward could notice how light and different he had become. However, his mind kept focused in being supportive. After sitting Grenn on a stone bench, he helped Edd, too. Gods! He also looked so skinny, and his left foot was horribly injured; besides, both of them were confused and could hardly recognize their friends’ chatter. “No way!” said one of the young rangers.  “The Aurochs has walked with Dolorous Edd on his back all the way from the Haunted Forest in the thick snow. He is a legend, man!”

Pyp remained there, as still as possible, when Edd and Grenn finally managed to talk and told everybody in the yard about what happened at Craster’s Keep. When they explained how Lord Commander died, everybody was consternated. How could it be? Tanner and the others were only a bunch of nasty traitors. “Lord Commander and the others were good men, and now, they are all dead. Certainly, Tanner must die” Pyp thought, but when Ser Alliser asked to Grenn and Edd what kept them so much time beyond the Wall, and they simply said “Chains”, showing his horribly marked wrists, something completely new happened to Pyp. When he thought of Grenn, chained and tortured, there was a strange sensation inside his bowels, something he had never felt, not even for the man who took his freedom and threw him, beaten and humiliated, in a cart to the Wall... He felt the urgent necessity to kill that bastard, as slowly and painfully as was possible. He wanted to make him suffer for what he did… and wanted to enjoy it. Tanner killed some of his black brothers; he betrayed Lord Commander Mormont, he caged his friends and, that son of a bitch almost stole his Grenn from him. Sure, he could not kill a hundred wildlings, but he needed to kill Karl Tanner. He clenched his jaw and his hands started to shiver. He did not know that he could also tremble from wrath. In that moment, Pyp knew for sure that would not trust in people again.

… And then, after being confused and stunned by the arrival, Grenn´s exhausted eyes finally looked into Pyp’s. He recognized him…  Finally, he had found his love, safe and sound in Castle Black. Anyway, all that Grenn could do was smile weakly.

“No, there are more important things than revenge now” Thought Pyp. His very nature, caring and sweet, took control of his heart again. Vengeance against Tanner and the mutineers was necessary, and he would do anything to achieve it, but in this mere moment, He just gave a tiny brave smile to Grenn in return. He was so proud of him! His Aurochs was alive! Pyp was so indescribably happy to see him again that his heart was pounding loudly inside his chest the whole time, and he wanted to hold him so much!, but above all, Pyp needed to take Grenn’s injured hands on his owns, more than anything. He wanted to treat his wounds and take him to a hot bath and a warm bed for a good rest. Then, he just took a deep breath, and suddenly, everything was clear “They are alive, and they are here and I won’t leave them”.

--- --- ---

“Come with us, Grenn. Let’s attend your wounds, and then you must eat something.”

Jon and Sam took Edd and Grenn to the healers, and Maester Aemon did, as usual, an exceptional work treating their wounds and fixing Edd’s foot. Possibly, he could run again in some weeks, and make sarcastic comments just after diner. Simultaneously, Pyp, Satin and the other stewards ran to the kitchen for some food. There was some soup left from yesterday’s meal. As the rest of Hobb’s creations, It was cold and gruesome. Before Satin could serve that thing inside the bowls, Pyp said “No, let me fix this”. In few minutes, after adding milk, a bit of flour, salt and some sliced mushrooms, the mix smelled delicious. “Mmmh, Pyp! This looks amazing. I had many doubts about Grenn’s motivation, but even I could fight with wildlings and return from beyond the Wall, if you’d receive me with such delicacy, dear” Satin joked. Pyp found himself laughing at the idea of keeping his soup as the secret weapon of this war. “You know, Pyp, it is nice to see you smile again. I bet everything will be fine now” Satin stated, while transferred the bowls to a tray.

In the dining hall, Edd and Grenn were received like heroes. Everybody in the Night’s Watch wanted to know everything.  How they managed to escape? How could they avoid being noticed by mutineers? Why Grenn’s cape was found near a shadowcat’s den by young rangers? How in the seven hells could Grenn walk more than two days in the most dangerous forest beyond the Wall carrying Edd on his back without a decent meal in weeks?! However, Jon asked the young crows to keep their questions for next morning, after both rangers would have rested properly.

Once Grenn and Edd had eaten, drunk some tea… and then asked for more soup, and licked their bowls, Edd resolved that he only needed one more thing to die happily: Being taken to his cell, where he could cleanse himself and sleep for an entire week. Jon gladly helped him to cross the hall. “Come on, Edd. You surely need a bath and some sleep. I will assist you until you can walk” stated stoically Jon.

“Hey, Grenn!” called Edd from the corridor in an almost happy tone.

“Aye?” Grenn was still finishing his third bowl of soup.

“Thanks, brother. I would not have made it without you. See you tomorrow!” Grenn waved his hand before saying “Not at all. Thanks to you, Edd!”

“Oh! Pyp… I almost forgot it. Come over here please”, Edd asked, and when they were got close enough, he leant on Pyp’s ear and whispered something that make mummer’s eyes went round and big as dishes. “Edd…I…” Then, the ranger gave a nod and affirmed “Sure. It is true.” After some moments, Pyp wiggled his ears happily and hugged effusively Edd while whispered back some few words in his ear. 

“Come on, boy, no one needs to know it! That’s what I get for being a good man. Now, let me go to sleep please. Good night everyone! Where is my cane? Jon?”

When Jon and Edd left them, Pyp and Grenn stayed alone in the dinner hall for a while, just staring each other in silence, with his hands on the table, barely touching his fingers. Pyp lifted the dishes and they walked silently to Grenn’s cell, where, weeks ago, Pyp had set clean sleep clothes. Now, Satin and other stewards had prepared him a hot bath while Grenn was taking his meal.

Grenn always loved taking a bath with Pyp after a long journey; it was one of the few small luxuries they could have on the Wall. Every time they could, they closed the door of their cell and fill the tiny bathtub with melted and boiled snow. Then, they slipped together into hot water. Many times, after cleansing, Pyp climbed into Grenn’s lap and seated on his strong thighs. They loved each other inside the water until it started to get cold. Taking a bath together became a welcome ritual, and was one of the moments Grenn expected the most when he was beyond the Wall. However, this time, things were very different.

Pyp maintained his eyes low all the time and removed Grenn’s clothes with absolute carefulness, paying special attention to wounds and bruises, as he kept fully clothed. Early, that morning, Pypar had taken a bath but he had been baking bread all day and he was pretty sure that by now, his body smelled like walnuts and flour “Mmmh! I could eat you up, just like the sweet biscuit you are” used to said Grenn every time his lover came to bed smelling like that. This time, Pyp’s only priority was attending him. He helped him entering to the bathtub and washed his hair and skin delicately with herbal soap that Satin had left there before.

Apparently, the healers did a good job; anyway, Pyp cleansed the bruises and the cuts again, until he made sure nothing could get infected. Then, when Grenn got out of the tub, his lover took a huge towel and stepped on his toes, putting the cloth around Grenn’s broad back. After the Aurochs had put his long sleeping shirt, they sat on the bed and Pyp applied the ointments that Maester Aemon had sent. Then, he wrapped Grenn’s wrists in clean bandages. When he finished, he put them on the rustic night table and started preparing bed.

“Pyp…”

The mummer ‘s gaze was still low. He just wanted to hug his love, and cry like a baby in his arms, but he felt utterly ashamed of having such a selfish wish. “He has passed for so much. Gods! It hurts so much to see the marks of his torture all over him, but now he needs my attentions, not my whining... I must be his strength, but if I see him I’ll start weeping like an idiot and Grenn does not need a weeping idiot by his side now. Be strong, Pypar. You must do this”

“Yes?”

“I’m sorry, Pyp.”

What!? …Why!?Pyp said deeply consternated. He had considered every possible word in Grenn’s repertory and searched a plausible answer to any phrase, but certainly, he was not expecting something like this. Gods! Grenn’s logic was beyond reality sometimes.

“I know I should have returned before, and I’m sorry if I made you feel sad. I can see in your face how unhappy I made you… Please, Pyp look at me” he said tenderly. Grenn just took Pyp’s hands in his own bandaged hands. He just expected that his mummer still loved him as always.

Pyp remained in silence for a moment, shocked. Dozens of ideas fluttered simultaneously in his mind when he finally looked into Grenn’s eyes.

“This man has passed weeks chained, starving, sleep deprived and in company of Edd, and he still manages to come here and be worried about my feelings / By the warrior! Why would a person ask for pardon for passing through hell? / What did I do to deserve this unconditional love? / I wish I could be braver and stronger, just like him, and protect Grenn always. / I also wish we could be together our whole lifes. / This must be a dream, I need to know he is really here. Gods! How badly I want to kiss him now! / Thanks Gilly. I could have not been here with this marvelous man if not by your help. / How could I show him how much I love him? How happy he makes me. How…”

Before, he could process all the knot of ideas in his head, he just saw Grenn´s hands landing softly on his cheeks. These hands which could unclog an oxcart without help, were now on his face, touching him more delicately than anyone in the world. Grenn gently started wiping Pyp’s tears, which he did not notice yet.

“Please, don’t cry. I did not mean to make you suffer…”

“No!” Finally shouted Pyp. “No!” He let aside all his thoughts for a moment and just stammered like a scared child “It’s not like that… It’s just… the opposite to that! I still can’t believe you are here. I really can’t. Grenn, I almost… I … When I saw your cape… I thought I’d never see you again. And it is so difficult to me deal with so much… happiness.” By now, his words were overshadowed by big tears that rolled freely on Pyp’s face “I have been wanting you back… for so long… you did not left me. You did not! You are here again. I  just… My love. Just let me hug you once… Let me be with you” sobbed, watching Grenn’s face. Now, his aurochs was crying in happiness too.

“I thought I was the only one who wanted to be in your arms since we saw this morning… All I needed was coming back to you, to find you safe… I was so scared!”. Stated Grenn, while wrapped Pyp up in his arms, almost fainting from tiredness. At the same time, Pyp cuddled him softly. Even now, he must be careful with his lover wounds. “Come here, my love.”They shared a soft kiss after another, until Grenn started to get asleep.

“Let me hold you; I would not ask you for more tonight… Tomorrow, we will see” added Pyp cradling Grenn closer, with a sweet yawn.

This almost looked unreal. After that hell, they were together. Exhausted, Grenn finally laid his head on Pyp’s chest, and got lulled by the most beautiful love song, played not by Pyp’s voice, but by his heart. Then, he understood it. He was at home.

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